Hindsight is 20/20

It’s been a week since my original post, so it’s time for take 2. My mind has been taken back as I’ve thought about the time that has gone by since I started this life I’m now leading. 2 years is a long time in some sense, but it has felt like a blur in another. I am getting ready to start my second year of law school. I can’t believe I survived my first, and now I’m kind of freaking out I’m about to go through another grueling semester! I just wrapped up an amazing internship with the Circuit Judge in Frankfort. I worked with amazing people and learned so much about law actually put into practice. It was a phenomenal experience that has helped solidify my decision to give this law thing a shot. But that’s not really what I want to write about today. I’ve met some pretty great people as a result of my divorce. I’ve learned about hardships people have experienced and triumphed similar to my own, and in a lot of aspects more difficult and heartbreaking. I’ve recently talked with a few people who are fresh in their trial of divorce and it’s taken me back to the emotions and trials I had to overcome at that same time. Overcoming divorce, just like overcoming many obstacles, has phases. It seems that a lot of people in any difficult circumstance first blame God. I was one of those people. Then comes a lot of hate, followed by despair, and turning to God again. One of my favorite aspects of my faith stems from the power of the Atonement. I was asked to speak fairly soon after my divorce took place to the congregation about How Christ’s Atonement helps us overcome trials we face. I don’t want to necessarily turn this into a religious blog, but this has been huge in making me who I am today. Growing up I really only took advantage of the Atonement in my sins and have always had an immense gratitude for the ability to repent because of Christ’s sacrifice. But the Atonement encompasses so much more, and I have truly felt my burdens lightened. Elder Oaks said, “when a spouse or a child rejects what we know to be true and strays from the path of righteousness, we experience particularly stressful pain, just like the father of the prodigal son in Jesus’s memorable parable. As the Psalmist declared, “Many are the afflictions of the righteous: but the Lord delivereth him out of them all.” So I learned I didn’t have to carry everything on my own, Christ suffered so that He could always help, all we have to do is hand our burdens over to Him. And I began to be a much happier person. Then comes the loneliness, and boy does it hit you strong. And so sometimes you’re able to fill that loneliness quickly. And perhaps for some people it works out. But I’m gonna guess for the majority, you realize that that loneliness and emptiness you’re feeling is not something that can be filled right away. For many like myself, I imagine it’s like a cup you quickly try to fill with water, only to find there are holes and cracks that let it all seep through eventually. And so, the next phase is accepting those holes, and trying to repair them. This takes a lot of finding yourself again. Trying to figure out who you are now that you’re missing such a big part of what used to define you. This takes so much time, and during this time you’re often taken down the loneliness path and dragged back through discovering those holes. I strongly believe everyone on this earth would benefit from seeing a therapist. I saw one for a short time, and she did wonders for my self-esteem and helping me take a step back, evaluate what I wanted from life, and then pursuing those wants one day at a time. I read an article a while back that my dad shared with me about wandering through the wilderness. I believe it was a divorcee like myself who talked about how sometimes we are asked much like the Moses and his people were asked, to wander through the wilderness for a time. And God only knows how long that time will be. So I’m a wanderer right now, and I’m okay with that. My therapist also told me it typically takes about half the time you were with your ex to really move on from that relationship. Well I’ve passed the halfway mark and I am feeling good about myself and where I’m at. So as of now I can’t really tell you what the next phase is, but I’m sure I’ll look back a year or so from now and realize I wasn’t as close to my potential happiness as I think I am now. So let’s get to life in the present. My children are getting ready for school….that’s right they are going to school! I got my son all signed up for half days in preschool, and my daughter will be going to head start full-time. I cannot believe it is happening already. And I’ll tell you what, I had to do a lot of adulting this week. Too much if you ask me. I had to set up doctors appointments to make sure they have the proper immunizations, I got them eye exams (which luckily they both have 20/20 vision) and I had to go to the schools and meet with all these people and fill out all this paperwork! It’s a lot of work! At the eye exam they were asked to point out shapes instead of the usual letters we are all familiar with. After my son finished his and my daughter was up, he proceeded to pull off all the stuffed animals and say “okay daddy, tell me what I’m holding up.” Then of course when my daughter was done, she followed suit! We did have fun today getting them backpacks which they proceeded to carry around with the straps over their faces saying hi to everyone we passed. Man my kids are cute! Last night we had a dance party before bed, which we pretty regularly do and they have got some moves! So my daughter is very dramatic, a little too dramatic for 3 year old girls, but then again, what do I know! She has fairly recently taken to running away flailing her arms as she screams “you don’t love me!” whenever she doesn’t get her way. Then the next second she’s hugging me as tight as she can telling me how much she loves me. I sure do love my kiddos. They always make me laugh and feel so loved. Anyway, that’s the post for the week. Tune in next week to hear about my start with school, how my interview of the potential babysitter goes, what funny things my kids are doing, and whatever other things I decide to spew out on this thing. Cheers!

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out / Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out / Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out / Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out / Change )

Connecting to %s